we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
