never play flip cup with pint glasses
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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