Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's blow job season.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
