chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
