Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
