tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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