Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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