it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
