Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
