i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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