I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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