we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize