I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
