there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
