I wanna bring you to show and tell
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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