i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
