Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
