how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
