That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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