You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
