Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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