how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
