whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize