If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
