why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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