cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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