some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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