She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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