I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
