just tell him i said nine months
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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