I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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