The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
