That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dick very happy bro
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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