i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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