How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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