so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize