Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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