i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
