I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
