11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
