After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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