I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize