Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I touched a dick in church today
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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