I think i peed on brittanys purse
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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