You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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