we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
