i need an iv and a liver transplant
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So much rum. So many feels.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
