My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
