He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
then he tried to convert me to islam
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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