I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
