I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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