I'm so fucking centered right now
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
