Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
