I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
try to milk me bitch
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
