woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
