He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
