My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
