I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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