The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sober January is a disaster.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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