Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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