Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
