ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
