I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
