summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
