Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
