After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
