she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
